I have no needs. I am overfilling peoples cup from my empty chalice.

I Have No Needs

10/03/2021

What's best for you is best for me

I work with you like 1, 2, 3

your boundaries are mine

I live to please

all that I ask is that you direct me

Tell me to stay and I never go away

tell me to leave and in that moment I flee

there's no catch or clue

there's no trick or treat

I do what you say

I have no needs

just play by those rules

and it's all okay

I'm not first

I'm not last

I'm somewhere in between

I'm just in the moment

I follow your lead

Forgive the breaking of poetry

these next few moments are just for me 

whether truth or lie, or misconstrued view

this is the way I think, this is what courses through

I never work for myself, I contort to your dream. I don't make decisions for myself, I follow your max and mean. I don't trust my gut, my thought or my instinct, the choices I make or uniquely unfortunately distinct. I do what I think is best and little I know, I pulled the trigger, caving my loved ones chest. I work on myself and put lives on the line cause of it. I have a lot to learn, to relearn, and unlearn. I have a lot of un-normal normals and unstandard standards. I don't trust what I think, in fact it's so bad I don't think my life has problems. I second guess my illness; "maybe I'm just being dramatic." There aren't numbers that represent how much I have convinced myself that I'm fine. I'm smart enough to know that other people know what "I'm fine" means, but I wasn't smart enough to know what "I'm fine" means considering I wasn't fine.

Regardless of me

I have no needs

what's best for you, is best for me

help isn't what I need

I need directions from you to me

If you need a sorry, I supply

If you need space, I close my eyes

If you need a story, I confide

I don't benefit from prioritizing myself

that's not why I'm here

I live to serve and happy to be of service

I come first until someone else is second

then I swap the spots and give everyone else my everything 

If someone told me to work on myself, I would sadly have to tell them that I genuinely don't have the slightest comprehension of what that means or how to do.

It's like telling water to be wine, it would take a miracle from God to do so...